Wednesday, July 1, 2009

"We've Moved"

The move has been successful!! Don't hesitate to visit: A Soothsayer

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Let's Go for a Ride!

Dear Readers,
Within the next few days this advice site will have a new home at A
I'll see you there.
~A Soothsayer

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Mother Doesn't Want to Hug After Working Out

Dear Soothsayer,
My husband saw your site and wanted me to email you. He and I have a 7-year old daughter, “Isabella.” We are a close family. I go to the gym after work and don’t shower until I arrive home (I hate public showers). Whenever I walk in the door Isabella runs up and wants a hug, I always catch her before and tell her to wait until after I shower. After I work up a sweat gardening or doing lawn work, it’s the same scenario. I don’t want to hug Isabella or my husband until I am clean, it’s just gross. But I always hug her after I’ve showered.

My husband says I am hurting Isabella’s feelings by rejecting her, but I am simply trying to keep my sweat off her. What do you think?

Needs a Shower First (Miami, Florida).

Dear Soothsayer,
My wife just wrote you an email, but before you responded I wanted to add a little. When “Jackie” comes home from work Isabella is so excited. She giggles and smiles widely and sprints with her arms open wide to greet her mom. When Jackie takes Isabella’s wrists and turns her around back to her toys she doesn’t see the look that has come across her face. Her grin has completely disappeared and her eyes are dull and sad, the hug she gives/gets after the shower is not the emotional greeting she wanted and it hurts me to see her rejected as she is. Mother and daughter do have a loving relationship other than the greeting hugs.

Thank you for taking the time to respond.
Husband to Needs a Shower First

Dear Needs a Shower First,
In my opinion there is nothing better than the joy and greeting a child gives you when you have been missed. Yes, you are rejecting your child. She does not care if you are sweaty; she has just missed her mom. You are also missing out on one of the most important and simple pleasures of being a mother. Remember that one day, very soon, she will grow out of this phase and not greet you with so much youthful enthusiasm, enjoy it!

As I see it, you have three options:
1. Buy some flip flops, pack a bag, and shower at the gym. Then, hug your little girl tight and listen to her giggles.

2. Come home sweaty, hug your little girl tight, listen to her giggles, take a shower, and then if you’re grossed out move her bath routine to after your hug routine. Or,

3. Continue to reject your little girl’s greetings and watch her sadness continue to deepen.

For the three of you, I certainly hope you pick option #1 or #2, you’ll all be much happier.
~A Soothsayer

Saturday, June 13, 2009

The Search for a Significant Other Continues...

Dear Soothsayer,
Is there EVER a Significant Other for me?


Dear SO-less,
Yes, definitely! You haven’t given me much information, but I can offer some general advice for meeting people.

1. Don’t look. Concentrate on what you do have in your life, go out with friends, and be happy and confident, that’s what attracts others to you. When someone projects that they are desperate for a relationship, it sends red flags to both men and women.

2. Expand your circle. If you haven’t met anyone in whom you’re interested in your current circle of friends or activities, expand. Join a group such as a book club or another social club of your interest. Take a class such as photography, writing, golf, dance, etc. This way you will meet new people who have at least one similar interest as you.

3. Volunteer. If you are interested in an organization or a cause, volunteer your time. They are always looking for volunteers and it’s a great way to meet people while supporting something you care about.

4. Brave the web. Many people are still wary about meeting people online. Yet others have found it to be a great dating tool. If it’s something in which you may be interested, give it a try, but as in the “real” world, take it slow and be cautious.

Good luck and please let me know how the journey goes.

~A Soothsayer

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Internet Safety for Children

Dear Soothsayer,
First off, I enjoy reading your website and wish you would post daily as I like to read it on my lunch break. Also, I’ve noticed that you’ve had many young teenagers write in and I have to say I have some concern about this. I wonder, where are their parents when they are using the computer, there seems to be a growing number of pedophiles using the internet to lure children away from the protection of their home, where’s the supervision?

Thanks for your thoughts,
PC concerned

Dear PC,
Thank you for your appreciative comment. I would love to post a letter daily, but unfortunately I don’t get a constant stream of email, at least not yet. But, as soon as I do, I’ll definitely post daily.

As far as computer safety, I completely agree. As with all things, parents must teach their children the proper way to use a computer, what’s acceptable and what’s not, and then of course observe and discipline if needed. My top rules for parents when it comes to the internet and their child’s safety are:

1. Talk to your children. Be honest and tell them all of the positives and negatives of the internet. Explain what is acceptable and what is not. Explain what your expectations are of your child.

2. Discuss the dangers of talking to strangers (on the internet and in life) and thoroughly discuss the dangers of providing personal information on the web. Once it’s on it is always on!

3. Set rules and put them in writing. You can post the rules next to the computer and/or make it a contract between you and your child, don’t forget to mention the consequences if the rules are broken. These rules should include the amount of time spent on the computer, the specific time they are allowed on the computer, and what the permission is when they are at a friend’s house.

4. Use the parental controls on the computer and block out sites and key words you do not want your children viewing.

5. Keep the computer located in a central area of the house, someplace where you can observe what your child is doing.

6. Make sure the computer is accessible only with a password; make sure the children do not know the password.

7. Be interactive; use the computer with your child.

8. Be a parent; check the history and view the pages your child has viewed. If your child has broken the contract, carry through with the discipline; do not turn a blind eye.

9. Discuss your rules with the parent’s of your children’s friends.

For more information regarding this issue, cyberbullying, and other internet/technology issues, I highly suggest visiting Netsmartz.

~A Soothsayer

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Woman Plays with Danger Picking up Hitchhikers

Dear Soothsayer,
I am 28 years old and have been dating my boyfriend “Josh” for nearly three years. Within the past year I have started picking up hitchhikers. Josh hates that I do this. I do this whether he is with me or not. He’s told me how he feels many times, but now he says that if I don’t stop doing it, he’s calling it quits on our relationship.

I love Josh, but I feel that hitchhikers are lost and need guidance. I feel it is my Christian duty to help save them and lead them towards a better life. Josh doesn’t understand that I’m trying to help them, that I want to save their souls. I don’t understand why he won’t let me follow the calling I believe God has intended for me. I don’t want to lose Josh, but how can he ask me to turn my back on God? What should I do?

Here to Help in Maryland

Dear Here to Help,
You should listen to Josh. What you are doing is extremely dangerous. You should never pick up a hitchhiker. Josh is not asking you to turn your back on your “calling,” he is telling you that he cares about you and does not want to see you harmed. I don’t know how many you have picked up, but consider yourself lucky that nothing has happened to you.

When it comes to souls, only the owner of the soul can choose to change it. Also, remember that some souls cannot be changed and others do not want to change. You could be raped, beaten, kidnapped, tortured, or murdered; you are risking your life and your future. That being said, the desire to help others and to make the world a better place is a good desire; however, there are many other and much safer options you can choose to help people.

I’m sure your church offers opportunities to help others, ask how you can help. There are also organizations such as Habitat for Humanity, Boys and Girls Club, Big Brothers Big Sisters, and homeless shelters that are always looking for volunteers. Talk to Josh about your desire to help, look into organizations in your community and perhaps you and Josh can volunteer together. But definitely do not pick up anymore hitchhikers.

Stay Safe
~A Soothsayer

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Teenager Sees Trouble Before it Starts

Dear Soothsayer,
I am 14 and in my first real relationship. My boyfriend is 15 and we started dating around the end of the school year. About a week before school ended he started acting funny. We kinda live in a rural area and really only get to see each other at school. We both work our parent’s farms in the summer and will only get to see each other on occasion over the summer. He started getting really demanding. He would be annoyed and angry with me if I spent part of our lunch break talking to my best friend or catching up on homework. He’s started calling our house a lot, my dad is threatening to call his parents. Before school I would meet him in the cafeteria, but he started waiting outside for my bus and leading me to a place where it was just us. He’s started telling me how much he’s going to miss me, how much he loves me, how he doesn’t know what he’ll do since we’ll only see each other maybe once a week over the break and he gets red if the thought of us breaking up crosses his mind.

We aren’t even half way through with our first week of break and he’s called me at least 10 times a day and emails me all the time. I’m supposed to meet him this Friday for a movie, but I only get one night in town and I’d rather see some of my friends, but I know he’ll be hurt and I don’t want to upset him. I’m honestly getting a little scared. What should I do? I haven’t told anyone about this, how can I get him to relax?

Missing My Friends in Farm Town, USA

Dear Missing My Friends,
The first thing you should do is confide in your parents. If you find talking to them about this difficult, please print out your letter and my response and show it to them. Your boyfriend is displaying some red flags. Some of the warning signs of an abuser are: jealousy, quick involvement, and isolation. You can read more about this here and here. I can’t say it enough, talk to your parents, immediately.

By all means rejoin your friends. Though you didn’t mention it, I’m sure they are concerned with your sudden disappearance. Confide in them as well, they can be a great source of support; however, they do not replace your parents, so talk to them first.

Please write me again after you have spoken to your parents, I am concerned for your well being and happiness.

Good luck,
~A Soothsayer